Five Casual Game Sequels I’d Love to See

1. Death Dash. Flo helps Uma the Undertaker start a new recession-proof business: Taking over her Uncle’s mortuary! Too many residents of Dinertown have fallen prey to the diner’s reliance on saturated fat. Dearly departed souls roll in through the loading dock and you need to drag them to the embalming station, makeover station, fashion cabinet, and coffin-o-matic. Upgrade your funeral home by adding nice touches such as lace curtains, orchids, and industrial-strength air-freshener. Be careful not to accidentally cremate someone meant for a hearse!

2. MCF: OCD. In Mystery Case Files: Obsessive Compulsive Detective you play a police officer with OCD. A demented serial killer/interior decorator is on the loose, turning normal locations into strangely-cluttered altars of surreal chaos! The killer seems to have raided every garage sale, rumpus room, and bargain bin in town, repainting all of the junk to match the gaudy fabrics in the rooms he victimizes. He even used some infernal dark magic to make some objects ten times their normal size, making them confusing to spot at first! Given a list of items to clean from the clutter, you must find some things (but not others) and then randomly try to use those randomly-found objects to do random things in random places, things that could’ve been done a whole lot more intuitively with different objects. Only you can catch the killer and bring order and cleanliness back to the poor, miserable world!

3. Virtual Villagers: Mallrat Edition. You control a group of teenagers who become stranded in a mall when their mom leaves them off and drives away as fast as she can to get “some hard-earned me time, god damn it.” You must drag each child around the mall, performing tasks such as shuffling through merchandise and putting it back in the wrong place, trying on outfits you’ll never buy, cruising for hotties, preening, giggling, grimacing, and getting yelled at by store proprietors. Work your way through the food court and upgrade your skills of coolness, radness, awesomeness, and like-totallyness. When you leave the game, your characters keep growing and changing so that when you come back to play they are, like, waaaaaay more mature.

4. Build-A-Little. Now that real estate has crashed, go around town and buy forclosed houses, giving them cheap paint jobs and a sod lawn. After your renters stiff you and sell off all the copper wiring and PVC piping, try to flip your property. When you fail to make your sale, forclose on the houses yourself before the bank can catch up with you. Try to make the neighborhood a rich and pleasant one by building nuclear power plants, corporate campuses, and garbage dumps in close proximity to the houses. Special bonus mini-game: Invest your earnings in the stock market and watch them plummet into a fiery abyss.

5. Jewel Quest: Gold-Digger.  While exploring the ruined temples of a long-lost civilization deep in the South American jungles, Rupert encounters his most horrifying nemesis yet: A mail-order bride name Svetlana Sassy. She will constantly nag, harrangue, and insult him until he can match three million jewels in a row and earn enough fur coats, diamond-encrusted jewelery, and gold-lame gowns to calm Svetlana down.

Any sequels on your list that I missed here?


One thought on “Five Casual Game Sequels I’d Love to See

  1. Virtual Village People.
    Donor Dash.
    Wiki and the Fable of Souls [citation needed].
    Jojo Makes Her Own Damn Clothes
    Poly Pride: Alternative Lifestyle Detective.
    Cake Maniac

    I’ll stop now.

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